Monday, May 9, 2016
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Vanilla Ice to Star in Remake of “Cool As Ice.”
LOS ANGELES-“It’s been twenty years, boyeee! Time for a remake, you know what I’m sayin!?” Robbie Van Winkle, aka 1990s heartthrob rapper Vanilla Ice, is sitting with me poolside at the Beverly Hilton in Los Angeles.
The rapper turned actor turned real estate investor turned reality TV celebrity is talking about the multimillion deal he just inked to remake his 1991 hip-hop megaflop “Cool As Ice.” The original, also starring Van Winkle, was made for a modest $6Million but only grossed a little north of a $1million. “It was a different time back then, you know what I’m sayin?” reflects Van Winkle, sipping on a Midori smoothie. “I think the audience today is ready for the true power of ‘Da Iceman.’”
He’s referring to his new deal, which is worth more than $100million that he’s been paid to write, direct, and star in a remake of “Cool As Ice,” as well as a new soundtrack, cartoon show, video game, and action figures. Van Winkle anticipates that this franchise will be “Bigger Than Mother F**kin’ Spiderman” by the end of 2011.
The last film, currently listed as #73 on Internet Movie Databases’ “Bottom 100” featured camera work by famed director of photography Janusz Kaminski, who later went on to lens “Schindler’s List” and “Saving Private Ryan.” When I asked if Kaminski would be returning to lens the remake, Van Winkle tersely replied that he would be doing it himself this time. Said Van Winkle “Yeah, his career has gone downhill since he shot with Ice.”
Thursday, January 13, 2011
If you've been waiting the past few years for the "Boom Chik" or "Linn Drum II" from Dave Smith Instruments or Roger Linn Designs then your wait should be over in June 2011! Smith and Linn have announced The Tempest, and they offer full demos below of the sequencing and sound generators on the device. It will be about 2 grand, so start saving your pennies, friends!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Hollywood Spectacle-Meister Michael Bay has his eyes set on one thing: Trash.
After attending a packed screening of Harmony Korine’sTrash Humpers, in Los Angeles, Bay and executive producer Steven Spielberg see dollar signs in trash cans.
“It just blew me away,” commented Bay after seeing the screening. “These kids in Nashville, with nothin’ but a VHS camera and some shitty costumes. I loved it!”
With their mega billion dollar Transformers franchise running its course, Spielberg and Bay are looking for a new series to tackle, and Trash Humpers could be just what the doctor ordered.
Spielberg commented, “We’re putting together Men In Black in 3D, and after seeing this, I thought, why not? These characters are so strong, I’d watch Trash Humpers in space, for god’s sake.”
Bay added, “It definitely needs some car chases…and shit that blows up.”
With that, Spielberg shouted…”It could be just like Temple of Fucking Doom!”
After snorting a brief hit of cocaine off of a young actress’s breasts, Bay began storyboarding a major set piece for the decisive third act of Trash Humpers 3D, involving the three unnamed elderly protagonists battling a thousand trash cans.
Spielberg took a sip of Remy Martin and whispered softly to Bay.
“Will the trash cans turn into robots at the end?” asked Spielberg.
Bay took a quick snort of coke and replied. “No, but they’ll all look like Megan Fox!”
Trash Humpers is now playing in select cities nationwide.
Trash Humpers 3D will open everywhere July 4th Weekend, 2012.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Trash Humpers: Official Review
After my recent article about “Trash Humpers,” I was graciously invited by the filmmakers to see it for myself. Honestly, I was excited going into the film, but nothing could prepare me for the film itself, which was equal parts humor and horror.
The film, if you catch the title, is about a threesome (sometimes foursome) of elderly cretins that live on the outskirts of civilization. They spend the film smashing the cast offs of society, whether it’s rubbish, old appliances, or even the human bodies. Once can sit and argue about the artistic merits of its Dogme 95 influence and Cinema Verite, but let’s be honest. It’s just ugly. All the characters (with the exception of one) are disgusting, vile, and boorish. The locations, mostly back alleys, side streets, and ruined homes, look awful. The props, costumes, and makeup are awful looking. The movie, shot with natural and available light on the long dormant VHS format, looks terrible. What’s amazing about Trash Humpers is that was the intention by filmmaker Harmony Korine and his team all along. It was intended to be an artifact, something to be discovered fifty generations from now so that people in the future could see how society in the twenty-first century is depraved. Much like we now watch The Great Train Robbery and Birth of a Nation with quiet reverence, the students of the year 2300 will watch Trash Humpers and see what life was truly like for citizens in turn of the century America. They’ll see the elderly gyrate their bodies on trash cans. They’ll see small children deface babies. They’ll see Siamese twins forced to make pancakes and then eat them with dish soap in lieu of syrup. The film is a thinly veiled metaphor for the fall of suburban consumer culture, where perfectly good items are discarded and destroyed. The amazing thing about this film is that you literally have no idea what’s going to happen next. Unlike the current crop of by-the-numbers popcorn films that infest multiplexes this time of year, there’s no “setup” or “payoff.” No “good guys” or “bad guys.” I can tell you right now this is the only film of the summer that will have baby dolls being dragged on the back of bicycles. What’s exciting are the characters that occupy the frame, and after watching this film, I can tell you that people will be talking about this one for years to come.